The Glass Menagerie
I'm experimenting with a layout for the first post, because as people keep adding stuff it can quickly get hard to find that post you wanted to se again. Let me know how I can improve it.
I made up everyone's content names because nobody provided any. Also, all of your pen-names are really long and time-consuming to write out.
Katerei last edited by Troyen
BMW453 pointed out to me that I somehow missed posting these character illustrations here. My excuse is they actually predate this thread (all drawn around January 2010.)
For anyone who may not have seen them at the time, I made a set of paper dolls based off Dark Mirror characters for my drawing class. Sadly not even all the main characters made it in due to time constraints - I'd like to do more one day, but we'll have to see. In the images below I arranged them to roughly depict the first confrontation at the judge's castle, but because they're separate dolls you can rearrange them in real life to tell your own stories.
Smaller versions are posted here with links to larger versions. Left to right:
Yomu says, Pool's closed.
This post has been edited by Two Jacks : 28 January 2011 - 11:14 PM
To make this easier to write and read, some names have been altered. Any reference to characters, real or imagined, is purely superficial.
The wind whistled through the open meadow. The afternoon sun cast a red glow everywhere, as the light beamed through the smoke of a distant fire. A dry scrub brush rolled across the packed ground where two lines of people stood, staring at each other in anticipation. The time had finally come to settle affairs between the characters and their alternates.
Retsy stood alone on top of a small mound of dirt, towering over everyone present. Holding up a megaphone to ensure everyone could hear her, she squeaked out, "Listen up everyone! The way this is going to work is you'll all take turns in an orderly manner. Each of you will square off against your alternate, and then the team with the most points at the end wins!"
"Let's get this started, I have places to be!" Raltperian said.
"All right, Katereis, you're up first!"
Katerei looked nervously at Kalterei as they both stepped up to the podium. "Okay, what do we do?" Katerei asked Retsy.
"It's simple. I'll give you a word, and the first one who spells it correctly wins a point for their team!" Retsy replied. "Are you ready?"
Both Katereis nodded.
"Your word is... betrayal! "
"B-E-T-" Kalterei started off quickly, not giving time for her opponent to react. "-R-A...Y..." her voice started wavering and she burst into tears.
"B-E-T-R-A-Y-A-L!" Katerei said, taking advantage of the opening.
"Correct! Point for the Cytherians!" Retsy shouted.
"Uh, we're both Cytherians," Katerei pointed out.
"Oh, right. Point for the originals!" Retsy amended. "Okay, next pair!"
The two Katereis stepped down and headed back to their place in line. Both Avataras began to walk forward. As Avatara passed Katerei, he gave her a high five, but as Avaltara passed Kalterei, they both turned their heads away.
"This will be easy," Avatara said as the two of them got into position.
After the two Avataras indicated they were ready, Retsy turned to them and said, "Your word is... antagonist! "
"S-E-L-A-X!" the two of them said in unison.
"You both lose, get back in line!" Retsy waved them away.
"I don't get it," Avatara grumbled as he stepped down.
"I would've won if not for that damn elemental! He always ruins my life!" Avaltara complained.
"Stop whining already, you two! Rapierians, you're up!" Retsy shouted into her megaphone, causing everyone to hold their ears and wince in pain.
"Such a good choice for an adversary. Only I would be able to fully understand the magnificence of my intellect, but it won't be enough to defeat me!" Rapierian boasted.
"We're ready," Raltperian said to Retsy, pointedly ignoring his alternate.
"Okay!" Retsy leaned forward, "Your word is...hubris!"
"Hah, a simple challenge! Now, I'll dazzle you all with my magnificence!" Rapierian dramatically reached into his cloak and pulled out a potion. He leaned back to throw it, but Shanadar and some nearby guards pounced on him, quickly restraining him.
"Using poison is against the rules," Shanadar said calmly as he bound Rapierian's hands in handcuffs.
"H-U-B-R-I-S," Raltperian said, unfazed by his alternate's attempt to kill him.
"Um...correct," Retsy sounded disappointed. "I guess that's a point for the alternates." The team of alternates cheered while the originals booed Rapierian off the stage. "All right, both teams are tied at 1! Since it's getting late and I'm hungry, the next point will win the game! Selax! You two are up!"
Both Selax and Saltax stepped up to the podium. A hush fell over the field as everyone leaned forward in anticipation. The ultimate showdown between the real characters and their alternates was about to be settled in a contest of wills between the two elementals. Surely they had thought long and hard about this day. Surely they had every possible outcome planned out, and a contingency plan in place for every possible reaction their opponent would make. Truly, this would be a showdown that would be remembered for ages.
Saltax tapped the microphone on the podium, checking to make sure it was on.
Selax stepped up. Everyone leaned a little closer. "Um..." he began.
"Um?" everyone asked.
"Uh...we just wanted to say that we're too busy with schoolwork to actually participate. If we had the time, we would have shown you something totally cool, but we don't, so good luck!" Selax said, and then they both stepped back to their place in the line.
There was a big sigh of disappointment from everyone.
"Well, I guess it can't be helped," Retsy said unenthusiastically. "I guess it is up to whoever is left to settle this."
All eyes turned to the back of the line. Yomu stood facing across from Firecat.
Well little mouse, would you like to play against the cat for some cheese? Firecat's voice spoke slyly in Yomu's head.
"I'll humor you just this once, friend, " Yomu replied as they headed up on stage.
"We're doomed! Yomu can't spell his way out of a box!" Avatara muttered quietly to Katerei as they passed by.
"Are you two ready?" Retsy said as they stepped into position.
"We'll take up this challenge of yours," Yomu replied. Firecat nodded quietly.
"Okay then!" Retsy paused a moment for dramatic effect. "Your word is... photograph! "
Sorry, my little pet, but this victory goes to me! Firecat boasted. He stepped up to the microphone...and let out a loud meow.
There was a moment of silence. Probably because everyone was busy holding their ears. Finally, Raltperian pointed out, "He's a cat, what did you expect?"
"Uh, right," Retsy recovered. "I'm sorry. That's incorrect. Yomu, can you spell 'photograph'?"
"Take your time! Don't mess this up!" Avatara shouted.
Yomu shooed Firecat away from the microphone and then leaned forward. "Photograph?"
"Yes, that's correct. Now, spell it," Retsy prompted.
"P-H-O-T-O-" Yomu began, his voice gaining in confidence as he said the letters.
"Oh no," Avaltara muttered. "We're going to lose!"
"He might actually pull this off!" Katerei whispered excitedly to her team.
"-G-R-N-A-P-Q-T" Yomu finished triumphantly.
Yomu's team looked stunned. "Does it sound like there's a Q in 'photograph' to you?" Avatara snapped.
"He can't help it. It's a disease that has plagued him since birth," Katerei said, trying to calm him down.
" I totally would've rocked that word, if I had the time," Selax complained.
Retsy looked blankly at Yomu for a moment. She briefly considered calling up the next pair, until she saw the two Rythans standing in line. Deciding she wanted to eat dinner tonight instead of sometime next year, she picked up her megaphone and called out "Close enough! Point to the originals! The originals win!"
The alternates booed in disappointment. The originals all cheered. Except for Rythan, who protested being unable to get a chance to show off his seventeen volume manuscript on spelling common words.
Retsy held up her microphone one last time. "Thank you all for coming to the War of the Worlds! Join us next week as we face off again...with cooking!"
:laugh: Very funny, Avatara. But I'm disappointed in the lack of a Wizards showdown; I take it they were too long getting to the contest to participate
Hahaha Tyrael! That was awesomely funny! And how'd you know that Firecat meows? Yomu does seem a little out of character, though so familiar somehow...
I've written another fanfic for Dark Mirror. Again, apologies for demeaning everyone's characters ^_^ This story is called ZOMBIE ATTACK II: ZOMBIES IN THE SNOW.
The castle in Cademia was a wreck.
"Berossus is going to be so mad," commented Silverfish.
"Where is Berossus?" asked Yomu.
"Dead," said Alt-Wizard happily.
His answer was met with a roar of outrage among the heroes.
"How could you be so heartless!"
"Murder is too extreme for this PG-13 rated story!"
"And Berossus is a major NPC, killing him is off-limits!"
"ALRIGHT FINE!" shouted Alt-Wizard over the screams of protest. "I mind-controlled him, okay?!"
"You mind-controlled his body?!" gasped K.
"ZOMBIE!" screamed Yomu.
Pandemonium as everyone screamed and ran around in circles.
Alt-Wizard sighed and rubbed his forehead.
Katerei held her arms straight out in front of her, rolled her eyes back into her head, took a few stiff steps toward the others and moaned, "braaaaaaaaaaains."
"I'll be back later," said Selax, and disappeared into thin air.
Everyone else continued screaming and ran away. When only Katerei and Alt-Wizard were left, she sat down and laughed hysterically. "I can't believe they fell for that!"
Alt-Wizard was not amused. "That's not funny!" he said. "I do not have a zombie army!"
K came back over, "hey wait a minute, real-life zombies, er I mean, real-dead zombies don't act like that!" Then she noticed Katerei rolling on the floor laughing. "That was mean," K commented.
Katerei tried to catch her breath. "I, hahaha, I'm sorry," she said.
"No, good job," said K. "I'm proud of you."
"Excuse me!" interrupted Alt-Wizard. "We have a real problem here!"
"I thought you left the castle a while ago?" asked K.
Alt-Wizard shrugged, "I got bored, so I came back to the action. But we have more important things to worry about now. Now everyone thinks I have a zombie army!"
"So?" asked Katerei.
"So?! This is what separates me from Rythan! He has the evil zombie army, I have the mind-controlled live-people evil army! It is imperative that everyone understand this! I'm calling an urgent story meeting! K, go get all the other main characters and bring them back here. Katerei, help me clean & set up for the meeting."
Half an hour later
Evil Alt-Wizard sat in Berossus' chair at the dining room table in the castle. His evil partner Alt-Selax sat next to him. Several additional chairs had been crammed around the table to make room for all of the main cast of Dark Mirror, which really is quite large.
K had returned from finding all the main characters, and they were all starting to filter in.
Alt-Wizard drummed his fingers against the table impatiently as the characters all sat down at the table and got settled in. Hero, villain, and apathetic loner alike were all gathered together for the first time ever. "Someone's missing..." Alt-Wizard commented.
Suddenly the door burst open and Moonshadow ran in. "Sorry I'm late!" she panted.
"Your lateness will not be forgiven," said Alt-Wizard darkly.
"I could kill her again if you'd like," offered Alt-Selax.
Iannah sulked and muttered something about never getting credit for her hard work, but no one could quite make it out.
"No, no, please!" begged Moonshadow. "I brought homemade chocolate chip cookies!" She held up the cookie jar she was carrying, and offered a cookie to Alt-Wizard.
Alt-Wizard took the cookie and ate it. Moonshadow placed her jar on the middle of the table. She tentatively sat down on the last remaining chair. She fell right through the chair and onto the floor.
"Sorry," said Alt-Wizard, "we didn't have enough real chairs."
Lip wobbling, Moonshadow stood up and tried to hide in the corner.
"Now, on to business," said Alt-Wizard. "You have all been summoned here today to clarify a very important fact." He paused here for dramatic effect, and noticed everyone was munching on Moonshadow's cookies. He frowned and spoke up even louder.
"I DO NOT HAVE AN EVIL ZOMBIE ARMY!" shouted Alt-Wizard. "Rythan does," (here Alt-Rythan stood up & bowed) "but I do not. My evil army is very much alive, simply mind-controlled. Are there any questions?"
Raltpierian raised his hand.
"Yes, Alternate Rapierian."
"What's the recipe for these cookies?" he asked.
"I'll get it to you!" Moonshadow answered.
"Any OTHER questions?" asked Alt-Wizard.
Elie raised her hand. Alt-Wizard pointed to her.
"May I have the recipe too?"
Moonshadow grinned. "Certainly! I'll send it to everyone!"
Everyone chattered their thanks to Moonshadow. Alt-Wizard cleared his throat menacingly.
"Are there any questions not relating to cookie recipes?" he asked.
There was stillness in the room for several seconds. Finally, nervously, Shanadar put up his hand.
"Yes?" asked Alt-Wizard.
"What happened to the last cookie?" he asked. Everyone looked over at the cookie jar. It was empty!! Gasps of horror!
"I was going to eat another one!" exclaimed Alt-Wizard. "WHO ATE THE LAST COOKIE?!"
"We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way," warned Alt-Wizard.
"Hard way it is. You are all prisoners until the matter is resolved. I'll be setting up an interrogation room in the kitchen. Alternate Selax, would you mind watching the prisoners?"
Alt-Selax nodded, and glared at everyone. "If any of you try to escape, I will kill you instantaneously."
Alt-Wizard departed into the kitchen, but Alt-Rythan raised an eyebrow. "I am not a prisoner," he protested. "The thought that anyone could hold me captive is laughable. Haha. I am here of my own free will, so that I can personally deal revenge on the inconsiderate person who ate the last cookie."
"Yeah, me too," spoke up all the other powerful characters.
A little while later
It was taking Alt-Wizard an awfully long time to set up the interrogation room, and everyone was getting bored. They decided to watch a show while they waited. Which meant first that they had to put together a show. Silverfish was the director, and he had cast Selax, Wizard, Katerei, Yomu, Avaltara, Rapierian, and Moonshadow. (They thought about doing the show Ratlizard in the Kitchen, but since the kitchen was off-limits, they decided to go with the age-old classic, Blazing Trails.)
K handed out programs to everyone in the audience.
_Silverfish's Blazing Trails
Anonymous - Avaltara
Erica - Rapierian
Alon - Moonshadow
Pirro - Yomu
Feoras - Wizard
Zak - Selax
Rasmus - Katerei
After Bellerophon cured Alaric and ditched Cythera,
seven bravesix brave & one cowardly adventurers set off to rid the iron mine of its ghost, so that the miners could restart their work and the economy would not crash._
Seralcard pulled up the curtain to reveal the seven actors. They each held their script in front of them because there hadn't been time for them to memorize their lines.
Rapierian (Erica) read off his lines, "let's try to communicate with the ghost."
"Your voice is all wrong," cut in Silverfish. "Make your pitch higher."
"Let's try to communicate with the ghost," Rapierian tried again.
"Higher!" prompted Silverfish.
Rapierian tried yet again, this time is voice in falsetto, "let's try to communicate with the ghost."
"Perfect!" said Silverfish happily.
"Nah, that sounded horrible!" complained Rapierian, "what is wrong with this dude's voice?"
"Dudette," corrected Silverfish.
"Dude...ette?" asked Rapierian slowly, as the truth dawned on him. "Erica is a girl?!"
Silverfish assured him, "yes, but don't worry, you're perfect for the part! Hey Seralcard, do we have any costumes that will help everyone remember that Erica is a girl?"
Seralcard rooted through the costume chest. "Here we go!" he announced, holding up a giant tutu.
"Forget it!" roared Rapierian, "I quit!" & he stomped off the stage.
Silverfish sighed. "That's okay, Erica mentally checked out of the story pretty early on anyway. The tutu can play her part for the rest of the play."
Seralcard attached the tutu to a hanger and hung it from the chandelier.
"Carry on," said Silverfish.
Yomu (Pirro) read his script, "that is what I thought too, Erica."
Silverfish interrupted again, "less talk, more explosives."
"Explosives?" asked Yomu.
"Pirro likes explosives. Very exciting."
"Um, okay..." Yomu pulled out a bomb. "I agree with Erica!" he lit the bomb and threw it in the air. It exploded when it hit the ceiling, and a good chunk of the ceiling caved in.
The commotion caused Alt-Wizard to poke his head in, "HEY! Y'all need to STOP DESTROYING MY CASTLE!"
"Sorry," said Yomu sheepishly.
"Oh well, carry on," said Silverfish.
Selax (Zak) read off his script. "I disagree with the idea of approaching the ghost."
"Ah, actually," said Silverfish, "I've added in quite the piece for Zak."
"Indeed?" asked Selax. "I'm honored."
"Yes, yes!" said Silverfish excitedly. "It's an extensive solo ballet dance depicting Zak's unique view (and terror) of the world. It will be beautiful."
Selax replied simply, "No."
"You'll be great at ballet!" Silverfish encouraged him. "You're light as air!"
"I'm not dancing. If you ask me again, I will ban you from Cythera."
Silverfish did not look pleased at all. "You're fired! Do we have an understudy for Selax?"
"Yes," spoke up Alt-Selax, "but I'm not dancing either."
"Fine, forget it!" said Silverfish. "Let's move ahead to Feoras's line."
Wizard stepped forward. "Let's depart posthaste to visit the ghost!"
"The Feoras character is too lighthearted," said Silverfish. "It would be better to make him dark. Real dark."
"Er," said Wizard, "who cares if we see the ghost or not, it's all pointless."
"Hmm," considered Silverfish, "not dark enough."
"Existence is pointless. Death is pointless - we'll only have to continue our futile lives as ghosts. Why are we here? Why do anything? We are predestined to suffer eternally, we cannot compete with the hands of fate, we-"
"No, no, no! Darker!" complained Silverfish. "Seralcard, can you find him a costume?" Seralcard dug through the trunk, and tossed a hoodie to Wizard. Wizard put it on, pulled up the hood, and put his hands in the pockets. "That's what I'm talking 'bout!" said Silverfish victoriously. "Now, Alon?"
"Present," said Moonshadow.
"Alon's now an alien cyborg monster vampire from outer space. That cool?"
"And Rasmus," Silverfish continued, addressing Katerei, "isn't so much a bard as an opera singer. You can sing baritone, right?"
Katerei's eyes were wide. "I... don't think so."
Silverfish sighed and put his hand over his face. "You see what I have to work with..." he muttered. "Oh, and Anonymous, I'm changing your character's past to make the story more dramatic."
"What it is?" asked Avaltara.
"Now Anonymous is really an Undine in disguise, and he was in love with Jinrai and engaged to marry her, but then she ran off with Jhiaxus; and he forgave her because he loved her so much and he just wanted her to be happy, but his fellow Undines didn't take her betrayal so well and they killed her even though Anonymous risked his life trying to stop them. Now Anonymous blames Jhiaxus for Jinrai's death, and his soul purpose in life is to avenge her!"
"I'm not sure I can wrap my head around that role," said Avaltara.
At this moment, Alt-Wizard opened the door to the kitchen & announced that the interrogation room was ready. Everyone followed him into the kitchen. There on one of the counters was set up a polygraph machine.
"A polygraph?" said K, unimpressed. "Don't you have a spell for that?"
"THE SPELL'S BROKEN, OKAY? JUST SHUT UP!" snapped Alt-Wizard.
Avaltara volunteered, "I will go first."
Alt-Wizard attached Avaltara to the machine. Once it was all set up, he asked, "did you eat the last cookie?"
"Nope," said Avaltara.
"Snap," cursed Alt-Wizard, "he's clean."
He repeated the process with several other characters. When he called original-Wizard, it appeared that Wizard did not hear him, or else was ignoring him. After a minute though, it became apparent that Wizard was moving, just extremely slowly. K glanced at her watch. "I don't have time for this!" she blurted out.
"What's the problem?" Alt-Wizard asked her.
"I'm late for a meeting," explained K.
Alt-Wizard attached K to the polygraph machine. "Are you really late to a meeting?" he asked her.
"Oh, okay. Wait, did you eat the last cookie?"
"Alright fine. You may go."
"Thank you!" K motioned to Katerei, Iannah, and Elie (they had already been tested), and the four of them ran off.
Alt-Wizard rolled his eyes, "girls."
They continued testing everyone one-by-one. Everyone checked out clean.
This was so mysterious that Alt-Rythan put on some mysterious music. Some people started dancing. Then Alt-Selax posted a sign saying "NO DANCING OR I'LL KILL YOU INSTANTANEOUSLY" and that pretty-much put a stop to it.
But back to the point, they had a mystery to solve. They split up into groups, some checking on the polygraph to make sure it was functional, while others searched the castle and yard for any signs that someone else might have snuck in and somehow taken the cookie from the cookie jar in the middle of a crowded table. Still others jumped to conclusions about who they thought were responsible, and beat each other up.
Meanwhile, in the forest near Pnyx...
K, Katerei, Iannah, and Elie gathered in a treehouse in the isolation of the forest. Elie stood in front of a blackboard while the other three sat on the floor, facing her. On the blackboard was written the following:
_Avaltara Fan Club
Head of Arts Committee: Katerei
Head of Food Committee: K
Head of Recruitment: Iannah
-Call to order
-Avaltara Fan Pledge
-Minutes of Previous Meeting
-Next Meeting Date
Elie was just finishing reading the Minutes of the Previous Meeting, and then she took a seat and Katerei took her place in front of the blackboard.
"Are there any new Avaltara arts to present?" Katerei asked.
K stood. "I have a poem."
Katerei nodded and surrendered the floor to K. K pulled out a piece of paper, unfolded it, and cleared her throat.
You're really hot
Not like a robot
Like a robot, not!
You sleep in a cot
or wait, do you?
"I'm not sure about that
But I love your hat
I mean lack of a hat
I like your hair
Would you take me to the fair?
"It's okay if you say no
I will love you even so
You're like a satin ribbon tied into a bow
Well, not really
You're honestly not that frilly
"You're the love of my life
Sorry I killed your wife
No, it wasn't with a knife
I love you! <3"
K bowed as the others clapped politely. Internally Katerei thought to herself that she finally discovered the difference between herself and her alternate: Her poetry was a lot better than K's!
K sat, and Iannah stood. "Recruitment is not going well. Nine meetings in and we still have no new members. Without new membership dues, we will not have the funds necessary to buy Avaltara extravagant gifts. It is very important that we recruit new members. Does anyone have any suggestions for candidates?"
"How about this world's Moonshadow?" suggested Elie. "She seemed nice."
"Are you crazy?" said Iannah. "Moonshadow is our biggest rival. Did you see how Avaltara was staring at her the entire time during Alt-Wizard's meeting?"
"Yeah, Moonshadow's out," agreed K. "& we may want to consider accidentally cutting her hair or something to make her less attractive."
"What about Krys and Scry from The Hand?" suggested Katerei. Iannah and Elie made faces. "What?" Katerei asked.
"We hate The Hand," said Iannah, "but.. maybe it's time we put aside our differences, for Avaltara's sake. We'll ask them. But be careful everyone, remember the First Rule of the Avaltara Fan Club: Avaltara must not know about our club. If he were to find out, it is highly probable that he would avoid all of us for the rest of his life!"
Back in the castle
Everyone was still investigating the Mystery of the Disappearing Cookie when the Avaltara-fans returned from their meeting. They hadn't made much progress. As far as anyone could tell, the polygraph was working properly and no one else had been in the castle since Moonshadow brought the cookies.
"Thank goodness you're back!" said Shanadar when he saw Katerei. "We were hoping you could turn into a wolf and sniff around for the scent of the cookie."
Katerei noticed Avaltara standing in the back of the crowd. His eyes were darting back and forth and he looked very nervous. "Do I have to?" she asked.
"YES," said Alt-Wizard menacingly.
Katerei sighed and reluctantly morphed into a wolf.
"Hey!" said Avaltara suddenly. "I've got a, er, meeting too. May I go?"
"No," said Alt-Wizard, "no more leaving until we've got this sorted out."
As Katerei sniffed around the room, K, Iannah, and Elie sidled up to Scry. Fortunately, Scry was on the opposite side of the room from Avaltara.
"Psst," said K to Scry. "We've got a deal to offer you."
"What's that?" asked Scry.
"What do you think of Avaltara?" asked K.
"I dunno... he's okay I guess."
"OKAY?!" exclaimed Elie.
"shush!" K and Iannah reminded her. A few people were now looking in their direction.
"sorry," murmured Elie.
"She's right though," said K. "Okay is an insult to him. He's the coolest guy in either Cythera!"
"Why do you say that?" asked Scry.
"He's so dark..." said K.
" & brave," said Iannah.
"& determined," said Elie.
"Okay, whatever," said Scry.
"So let me offer you this deal," whispered K. "We're members of an elite secret organization, and for the low price of 500 oboloi, you can be too."
"Wowev, 500 oboloi? That's pretty steep."
"I can assure you that 100% of that will go to the great cause. I can't tell you any more until you take the secrecy oath."
"Well I'm not sure. Do I get a free T-shirt?"
"No, the T-shirts are extra... You do get a free magnet."
"& all this is about Avaltara?" asked Scry.
"We didn't say that," said K, glancing around her to make sure no one else was listening.
"I'm not sure, I'm just not sure," considered Scry. "Is he at least hot?"
"Yes!" exclaimed the three together, a bit more loudly than they should have. A few people gave them funny looks.
Scry relented, "oh all right, I'll join."
"Sqwee," whispered the others.
Across the room, Wolf-Katerei was sniffing for the scent of chocolate chip cookies, and indeed, she found it. She followed her nose over to... Avaltara's pocket!
Avaltara smiled guiltily, and looked up at the room full of angry people.
"YOU!" said Alt-Selax. "You took the last cookie?"
"Yes," admitted Avaltara, "but I didn't eat it." The mob was cracking their knuckles and readying their weapons. "Listen! The smell of the cookie reminded me of my deceased wife - she used to bake me the same cookies."
"Awww," sighed all the girls. No one else, however, thought the excuse was suitable for the crime.
"You know what, fine, take the cookie," said Avaltara. "It probably would've gotten crumbled in my Showdown with Selax anyway." Avaltara took the cookie out of his pocket and tossed it into the mob, who dived for it like girls trying to catch the bouquet at a wedding.
"I've got an idea," said Moonshadow as the mob fought over cookie crumbs. "Why don't I go into the kitchen and make a GIANT batch of cookies for us all to share?"
& so everyone became friends and ate cookies and lived happily ever after! THE END!
Hilarious, BW. That almost would have worked as a submission for Rythan's Valentine's Day story. At the part when they were first debating who took that last cookie, I was expecting them to start singing "Who Stole the Cookie from the Cookie Jar?"
This topic seems to have fallen off of the main page, so I'm going to go ahead and bump it for convenience.
For a minute I thought you wrote something... so so disappointed ;_;
This post has been edited by BreadWorldMercy453 : 26 May 2011 - 08:56 PM
He probably just wanted to quickly reference the music so he can file an official complaint.
Honestly, I really can't think of anything to post that fits the topic's original description. If Avatara is really insistent, I could probably come up with some generic complaint about the music.
Katerei last edited by Troyen
An illustration of a young Iannah, back when K was still her role model. Larger version is here.
Nice artwork, as always, Katerei .
Oh man, Lilyrei's gotta make a fighter game for Cythera and the TS's now! Adam can program it!
I love Iannah's new hair! Pretty (& spooky!) background too ^_ ****^
Well, here's my rather half-hearted attempt at a parody.
How Retsy (almost) Saved Cythera
One day, Retsinikuma (also known as Retsy or She-Who-Does-Not-Participate-In-TSs) was sitting around her house one day doing nothing, which was not in itself particularly unusual for her.
What was (somewhat) unusual was the glowing portal that suddenly opened near her ceiling. Out of this gateway fell a man and a woman.
It is doubtful that Retsy would have even noticed this, except that the woman landed on her head. (Retsy's head, not the woman's.)
"Ouch!" Retsy cried out dramatically.
"Oh no, I've killed her!" the woman cried out, equally dramatically.
"No, you didn't," Retsy replied.
"Oh, well, then, I mortally wounded you."
"No, I don't think it's that serious."
"Well, you still must be badly hurt," the woman said.
"No, I think I'm getting better," Retsy answered.
"Krys, we don't have time for this," the man growled out.
"Oh, right. Sorry." Krys turned toward Retsy again. "I have come from the future to warn you! Dire peril is nigh!"
"Huh?" Retsy replied, not having understood any part of Krys's last sentence.
"I'm Krys. I'm an alternate version of you from another Cythera. In the future, people from my world are going to invade your world and try to take it over. Only you can stop this!"
Retsy digested this information for a moment.
"I don't believe you," she said finally.
"Look, I know it is a lot take in...the existence of parallel worlds and the time-travel bit but—"
"No, not that. You can't be me. Your name is different," Retsy declared, shrewdly. (She prided herself on her intelligence.)
"I changed my name to show loyalty to my world's evil overlords, but I have come back to the Light Side! It was a torturous journey and a hard choice but—"
"Oh, okay, that makes sense," Retsy said, interrupting Krys's attempt to tell her tragic tale. She looked at the man who was now looking as though he were considering banging his head against the nearby wall. "Who's he?"
"Searchcard," Krys answered.
"For the last time, it is Seralcard ," he said in exasperation. "Not 'Searchcard'!"
Ignoring him, Krys began speaking to Retsy again. As she did so, Seralcard took out a handheld computer and began programming their next time jump.
"You are our only hope! You must stop the invasion and save Cythera!"
The portal opened again, and the two time travelers stepped toward it.
"Why can't you?" Retsy asked, feeling a bit too lazy to consider saving the world today.
"Can't, there's a sale at the mall in a couple of years and I don't want to miss it."
With that, Krys hopped through the portal, followed by Seralcard.
Pondering their warning, Retsy declared, "It can wait."
After about a month, Retsy finally felt that she was ready to save the world. (That is, she was getting bored and a bit tired of sitting around doing nothing.) She decided that the best way to save Cythera from an evil invasion of alternates was for her to use her powers to conquer the island and then protect it. (It should be noted that logical thinking is not one of Retsy's abilities.)
The first thing she needed was evil henchmen. Thus, she decided to write an ad in the paper. Then, she remembered that she couldn't read or write.
So, Retsy settled for the next best thing: standing on a Cademian street corner and yelling.
"I AM PLANNING TO OVERTHROW THE RULE OF ALARIC AND THE MAGES! I NEED AN ARMY OF EVIL HENCHMEN!"
Immediately, she was surrounded by a ring of guards.
"You're under arrest," one of them told her.
Retsy was shocked. She couldn't think of anything illegal that she might have been doing. After a moment, she asked, "For trying to overthrow the King?"
"No, disturbing the peace."
After another month, Retsy was released. (Cythera has very strict laws about disturbing the peace, especially when the town Judge is trying to take a nap.) She decided to make good use of her recent arrest and headed for the local Minions 'R Us , the best store to hire evil henchmen. The store was so exclusive about their clientele that everyone entering had to have been arrested at least once.
Retsy proudly flashed her arrest warrant and walked in. There was a sale on skeletons, but the price was out of her pay range. (Retsy, it should be noted, was broke.) Finally, as she wandered down the aisles of the store, she passed a gaggle of ruffians and decided to attempt recruiting them for her army.
"Hi, I'm trying to takeover Cythera, and I need a band of evil henchmen. I was wondering if you might be willing to join me."
"How much would you pay?" the leader of the band asked.
"You want to be paid?!" Retsy asked, aghast. How could they dare ask such a thing of an evil overlord?!
"Of course! How much money do you have?"
"None, but I have candy," Retsy ventured, remembering the bag of candy she always carried with her.
"Really? Any Jolly Ranchers?" the leader asked, seeming a lot more interested than he had a minute ago.
"I think so."
Retsy dug around in the bag for a moment and then handed a Jolly Rancher over to the ruffian, who promptly put it in his mouth. For a moment, she was flushed with success. She had successfully recruited her first henchmen!
Then, the ruffian leader fell over and died.
Unfortunately, Retsy had given him an Apple-flavored Jolly Rancher. It is a little-known fact that ruffians are fatally allergic to Apple-flavored Jolly Ranchers.
The ruffians all stared at their now dead leader.
"It's one of those heroes come to kill use!" one of them roared. "Get her!"
"Eep!" Retsy exclaimed, before running for her life.
After another month spent in hiding, Retsy decided to try a different tack.
With much care, she sneaked into Berossus's chambers. That is, she made a great deal of noise and stumbled around the Castle until she finally found the correct room by accident. (Her success was not so much due to her "stealth" as to the fact that Cademian security was notoriously unreliable.) She found the Judge hard at work on his memoirs.
"Judge! I am an evil overlord bent on conquering Cythera to save it from a future invasion of evil alternates!"
"Yes, quite," Berossus muttered. He was stuck on a particularly hard passage and hardly noticed that she was there. Retsy, however, was quite encouraged by this response.
"If you do not surrender the city to me at once, I will kill you!" she yelled dramatically. "Do you give up?"
"Yes, quite," the distracted mage replied.
Retsy immediately began dancing around the room in joy. In the process, she bumped into the table that the Judge was using and upset the ink bottle he had been using. Ink splashed all over Berossus and his memoirs.
For a moment, the mage simply stared at his ruined work in horror before turning toward Retsy with a homicidal expression on his face.
Retsy again ran for her life.
After another month in hiding, Retsy found herself in the grotto below Kosha. She had decided to give up on recruiting henchmen or threatening the Judge. Instead, the aspiring overlord was attempting to make an alliance with the Undine. Holding a torch above her head, she regarded the spokesman they had sent to talk with her. Grandly, she explained the future invasion and her need to conquer Cythera to prevent it. The Undine ignored her her garbled explanation but decided that this crazy woman might be some of use and agreed to aid her in her conquest.
The Undine held out his hand in order to shake hands and seal the deal. Retsy ecstatically extended her own hand . . . the one holding the torch.
The Undine rapidly burnt away into a small pile of ash.
Retsy sighed in annoyance.
After yet another month in hiding, Retsy decided to take extreme steps and called the Daemon hotline, the best place to make bargains with the underworld.
"Hello, this is the Daemon hotline," a woman's cheery voice came over the phone. "How may we aid you today in committing evil nefarious deeds?"
"Hi, I want to sell my soul in order to gain extreme power and an army so I can takeover Cythera."
"I see. Name, please?"
"One moment, please," the woman said. "I need to run a background check to see if you're eligible for the Selling-Soul-for-Power package."
Retsy waited impatiently. This plan was sure to work! Nothing could possibly go wrong!
After a moment, she heard the woman's voice again.
"I'm sorry. You're ineligible for the deal. It seems you have an impure soul."
Retsy was shocked.
"But that's impossible—"
"According to our records, your grandfather worked for the Internal Revenue Service, and I'm afraid that means you whole family line is tainted too much for the Daemons to associate with you for the next ten generations."
Retsy was horrified. She had always known her grandfather was involved in something terrible, but her parents had always been too ashamed to give her the full story.
"I'm very sorry," came the sympathetic voice over the phone.
Retsy burst into tears.
After a month spent in mourning, Retsy finally decided to go all out. There was only one evil being she knew of who might be willing to help her in spite of her family background.
Although her last experience with the phone had been traumatic, she steeled herself to use it once more. Thumbing through her copy of the Yellow Pages, she found the number she sought and quickly dialed it. After a moment, she heard a voice on the other line.
Retsy shuddered. The voice sounded thin and poisonous but it still carried the sense of great power. It brought to mind the deaths of her family. (Note: Imagine that there is a long rambling description of how evil the voice sounded inserted here.)
"Is this the Death King's residence?" she asked.
"Augh! Don't use that name!" the voice now sounded very embarrassed.
"No! The other part."
"You mean 'Death—'"
"Yes, that part. It sounds horribly cliche," the voice told her, now sounding depressed.
"Oh," Retsy paused. "What should I call you then?"
"Fred would do nicely."
"Well, Fred, I need help. I've been warned that there's going to be an invasion of evil alternates and I need to takeover Cythera so that I can prevent it. If you help me, I'll serve you and you'll be able to finally rule Cythera."
"Sorry," Fred replied, sounding really apologetic. "I'm not really in the business of collecting worlds anymore."
"What do you collect now?"
Failing to appreciate the ironic nature of the statement, Retsy sighed.
"Well, then, what can I do? Every one of my attempts to save Cythera has been foiled! Is there any way I can stop the alternate invasion?"
"Considering that it seems to have started months ago? I doubt it."
"Oh," Retsy said, not sure what to say.
There was a long pause.
"But," Fred said, speculatively, "I could turn you into a wraith. It's a great way to scare people into dropping loose change."
"Would that help me save Cythera?" Retsy asked.
"Then . . . why?"
A few days later, Malis was out for a stroll around the Old Houses of Cademia, when, suddenly, a wraith jumped out in front of him.
"Boo!" it cried.
Malis screamed and jumped in the air. He landed so hard that all of the loose change in his pocket spilled out onto the ground. Screaming again, he turned and ran.
Behind him, the wraith bent down and began to pick up the money.
"He was right: this is a great way of getting people to drop loose change."
Katerei last edited by
Is that... Selax... making jokes? :blink:
Kat- He's done it before! I think the chronicle is called Tales of Bellerophon, but I'm too lazy to check right now. So the fact that Sely can write a silly story doesn't surprise me so much as the fact that he's good at it, but will only deign to do so on a very rare occasion!
Sely- Very amusing story I suppose I deserve what you've done to Retsy, after all I've done to Selax and Rapierian on this thread.
Katerei: No, I'm pretty sure it is just a figment of your imagination.
Thank you, 453. I don't think Retsy suffered at all though: she accomplished more in this story than she has accomplished in recent TSs .