Cythera Chronicles: the powerfull demon part 1

  • "The basis of magic is a great book. I know," Lindus said, "you can learn much from it. Bellerophon, I have to tell you something. Now that you studied for five years at the Magisterium, I have decided that you can leave now and do your studies out in the wide world. You will start as judge in Cademia. After that, you become a freemage and then you prove what you have learned. Then you become a master."

    Bellerophon thanked Lindus.

    Lindus continued, "Have you already decided what you wish to study?"

    Bellerophon replied, "Yes, I would like to study about the unique creatures of Cythera."

    Lindus responded, "Very well, but that is a dangerous course of study. It involves more than just looking in a book. It requires you to travel through caves and to seek out secret places."

    Bellerophon queried, "How do you mean sir?"

    Lindus answered, "Well, if you study creatures I suppose you want to see them too. I hope it is not to hard for you."

    Bellerophon retorted, "Don't forget that I was the one who cured Alaric, and that I saved the land from kidnappings, bandits, and evil creatures."

    Lindus said, "You're quite right. I don't need to be worried. Now go. Pheres needs to do his examination."

    Bellerophon walked to the exit of Pnyx. Suddenly an undead came and beat Bellerophon to the ground. Bellerophon exclaimed, "Oh no, I forgot my sword!" The undead grabbed Bellerophon's head and pulled with all its might. Bellerophon felt as though his head would be ripped off at any moment. Bellerophon was so terrified that he was almost in tears, but then BOOM!!!!

    Bellerophon opened his eyes. He lay still on the ground. He looked to the left where he saw his friend Chevodocus. Chevodocus asked, "Are you okay Bellerophon? Nobody has ever seen a undead in Pnyx before."

    Bellerophon responded, "Thanks. I also have never seen evil in here."

    Chevodocus asked, "Where are you going to be a judge?"

    Bellerophon answered proudly, "Cademia, the mother city." Chevodocus was stunned. Bellerophon stood up and said "Let's go right away."

    A group of bandits on horses rode up to the gates of Pnyx. "Trouble!" Chevodocus announced.

    Bellerophon tried to comfort Chevodocus, saying "Trust me." One of the ruffians took out his axe.

    The ruffian shouted, "Two new heads for our collection!" All of the ruffians started to laugh.

    Chevodocus said, "They're distracted now!" Bellerophon kicked the ruffian, then he took the axe and cut him in the stomach.

    Bellerophon yelled to Chevodocus, "Go! Go!" Chevodocus and Bellerophon are jumped on to the horses and started to ride, but the ruffians were close behind. Bellerophon and Chevodocus rode until they reached the castle of the Second Tyrant. The ruffians were quickly slaughtered by the gaurds.

    Bellerophon marveled, "Wow! So this is our new home."

    (To be continued)

    (This message has been edited by moderator (edited 11-20-2003).)

  • I'll be honest. This chronicle could stand to have a lot of work done on it. For one thing, its length is a little lacking. The character of Chevodocus seems a little one dimensional, too. It's clear that he has a strong relation to Bellerophon, but it really isn't explained very much. The action seems kind of disjointed. And the spelling, grammar, capitalization, punctuation, and formatting! Well, I cleaned those up. In fact, I REALLY cleaned this chronicle up. I could go on at length about the major overhaul I performed on this chronicle, but you can go ahead and look at its original form. I encourage anyone and everyone to compare and contrast. Especially you, Bellerophen. Don't expect me to do this for every chronicle you submit.


    the basis of magic is a great book lindus.i know lindus can learn much of it.bellerophon i got to tell you you studyd for 5 years at the magisterium.i have decided that you can leave now and do your studys at the wide start as judge at cademia.after that you become a freemage.and than you prove what you learned.and than you become a master.bellerophon:thank you.lindus:have you already decided what you need to study yet?bellerophon:yes,i like to do my study's about the unique creatures in cythera.lindus:very well,but it is a dangerous is not just looking in a is traveling from cave to secret places.belleropon:how do you mean sir?lindus:well if you study creatures i suposse you wanna see them too.and i hope it is not to hard for you.belleropon:dont forget i also cured alaric.and i restored the land from kidnappings and bandits.and evil creatures.lindus:your right,i dont need to be go.pheres needs to do his exemine.bellerophon walks to the exit of pnyx.then a undead comes.the undead beats bellerophon on the ground.bellerophon :oh no i forgot my sword.the undead puts his hands on the head of belleropon.any moment his head gets ripped off.bellerophon is scared he can almost cry.but then.BOOM!!!!.bellerophon opens his eyes.he still lies on the ground.he looks to the left.he sees his friend chevodcus.chevodocus:are you ok bellerophon.nobody ever saw a undead before in pnyx.bellerophon:thanks,i also never saw evil in here.chevodus:were are we judge?bellerophon:cademia.the mother city.chevodus:wow!.bellerophon stands up.bellerophon:lets go right away.a group of bandits on horses arrived at the entrance of pnyx.chevodocus:trouble!.bellerophon:trust of the ruffians takes out his axe.ruffian:2 neww heads for our collection.all of the ruffians are starting to laugh.chevodocus:the are now distracted!bellerophon kicks the ruffian.than he takes his axe ands cuts him in the stomach.bellerophon:go go!chevodocus and bellerophon are jumping on the horses.ruffians are chasing them.bellerophon and chevodocus reached the second tyrant.the ruffians are now slaughterd by the gaurds.bellerophon:wow!so this is our home.

    see part 2

    Slayer's guide to Cythera:

    (This message has been edited by Slayer (edited 11-20-2003).)

  • oof! ::cringe::

    I'd never be able to wrestle with that cron Slayer. You Deserve a karma point but you're already 'blessed'

  • I think like this one better than the one you posted directly on the board, Bellerophen. The other one just frankly didn't make much sense, other than "Bellerophon ran off and fighted this guy. And then he ran off and foughted this guy." Your literary prowess is slowly improving.

    Bellerophen, maybe you should write all of your stories in your primary language first, and then translate them to English after you are done. Don't try to write the first draft of a story in a language you are not completely comfortable with.

    And Slayer, you did a much better job of editting than I did with the other one.

    "On two occasions, I have been asked (by members of Parliament), 'Pray, Mr. Babbage, if you put into the machine wrong figures, will the right answers come out?' I am not able to rightly apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a question." -- Charles Babbage (1791-1871) Inventor of the "Analytical Engine", the first computer.

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