Cythera Chronicles: the powerfull demon part 2 the scylla



  • Two guards were standing at the house. "Wow!" Chevodocus said. "What do you think about it?"

    "Cool!" Bellerophon proudly said. The two guys got into house and looked at all the things. "Pretty," Bellerophon said.

    "Hello," a man said. "I am the cook here."

    "We want some meat and wine," Chevodocus said like he was the big boss. Bellerophon took a chair. "Demons!" he yelled. Three red monsters broke open the door with the bodies of the guards in their hands.

    Chevodocus and Bellerophon both cast lighting at the demons, killing them. Then the cook came with
    delicious food. "Delicious," Chevodocus said, hungry from the effort.

    "What's your name?" Bellerophon asked the chef.
    "My name is Ivor," the cook responded. They both ate up the food. That night, Bellerophon studied. A big silver monster came to the window, but when Bellerophon looked more closely, the monster was gone. Bellerophon looked out of the window, then suddenly a hand came and took Bellerophon with him. It was the same monster. It was a demon but it was silver and bigger and stronger!

    Bellerophon cast a mystic arrow into the eye of the demon. "Take that, scum!" Bellerophon yelled, but the beast was going further. A big hole opened on the ground. The beast took Bellerophon into the hole. Bellerophon saw the end.

    He fell against the ground. He wanted to open his eyes, but that was impossible. Slowly his consciousness faded away. He only heard the growling of the beast.

    Later he woke in... "The air!" Bellerophon said. Fire was beneath him. He could fly now! Later he saw a big army of demons. He flew away to an exit. A big hole was there, and he flew into it. He was in his home again. He couldn't fly anymore. He saw Chevodocus at his studies.

    "You are back," Chevodocus said, worried. "What happened?" Bellerophon explained everything. "A weird story," Chevodocus said.

    "I know," Bellerophon responded, "but it is true. I planned for us to seek out a Scylla tomorrow along the northern shoreline, near Landking Hall. That will be good for our studies."

    "Good idea," Chevodocus said, "but lets first sleep." Bellerophon and Chevodocus went to bed.

    Next morning...

    Bellerophon woke up. He slowly opened his eyes. "Wake up!" Chevodocus shouted. "There has been a crime." Bellerophon stood up. He quickly donned some clothes, grabbed some bread,
    and rushed to the court room. "So," Bellerophon said, "what happened?" A man came and explained, "My name is Halos. I just sold a house for 10,000 oboloi, and somebody stole the money!"

    "Do you have a suspect?" Bellerophon asked.

    "Yes sir, it's Antenor."

    "Guards," Bellerophon said, "throw Antenor in jail until he proves his innocence."

    "Yes, sir," the guards responded.

    "Thank you," Halos said.

    "Is the problem solved?" Chevodocus asked.

    "Yes," Bellerophon answered. "Shall we go to the Scylla now?"

    "Yes," Chevodocus replied.

    A few hours later the pair finally reached the shoreline. "There it is," Bellerophon said. A tentacle reached out of the ocean and struck Chevodocus. Chevodocus was knocked against a tree and was knocked
    out. "Damn," Bellerophon said. He ducked, narrowly avoiding the fearsome tentacle. Bellerophon threw
    an axe, chopping off the beasts head. The Scylla was still alive, but he was badly hurt so he fled. "YES!" Bellerophon exclaimed. He dragged both the head and Chevodocus back to Cademia. Everybody was surprised about the head. Bellerophon was finally home.

    (to be continued)

    (This message has been edited by moderator (edited 12-14-2003).)



  • I did a pretty serious overhaul on the chronicle, just like I did with the first in the series. This chronicle, as a whole, was pretty entertaining. It was filled with unexpected events and action. It seemed like the battles ended a little too quickly, though. In the first fight with the demons, it seems like the people in the castle would be a little bit more unsettled. Had I been the chef, I probably would have been more than a tad bit upset about the dead bodies of the guards I knew being dropped on the dining room floor. I would have been scared witless by these gigantic fiends from hell barging in! Still, it's a testament to the professionalism of the chef that he was able to perform his duties despite adversity.

    Bellerophon's journey to the underworld seemed a bit brief, confusing, and unrelated to the rest of the storyline, but hopefully this is explained further in later chapters. The introduction of a silver demon was an interesting twist.

    It seemed strange that Antenor would steal Halos' money. He struck me as a pretty nice guy when I played the game. I hope he gets a fair trial.

    The Scylla attack seemed rather brief. Perhaps in future chronicles, you can elaborate more on the combat sequences. How does Bellerophon feel when he sees his best friend tossed helplessy against a tree? What is going through his mind when the same tentacle narrowly misses him? What does the hideous beast look like? How did the people of Cademia respond to the shock of seeing a Scylla's head dragged into town by our triumphant hero? These are the sorts of questions you may wish to ask yourself when writing battles. Keep up the writing.

    ------------------
    Slayer's guide to Cythera:
    (url="http://"http://www.macclassics.com/cythera/cythera.htm")http://www.macclassi...era/cythera.htm(/url)



  • thanks slayer for these things.now il try to watch out for these things

    ------------------


Locked