Cythera Chronicles: the dark mage part 3 the rescue mission



  • I woke up. Everybody ate his breakfast. They did it fast because this was the day we were going to save a kidnapped woman. "Good morning," Lucas said, "Are you ready for it Bellerophon?"

    "Yes," I replied, "It's going to be a great day." I put my student suit on and I took my grimoire. I was ready to blast these kidnappers. This was the first day I could test my spells. Lucas helped me with spells. All the mages walked to Odemia. It took at least fifteen hours. We already knew where the camp was.

    Then it happened. Mystic arrows and normal arrows flew through the air. There were many more arrows coming towards us than away from us. Just in time, I shot an arrow down before Lucas was hit. Texales said, "Let us through!"

    "No," the ruffian answered. Texales yelled "death strike!" and he touched the ruffian. The ruffian fell to the ground. We went to a door. We blew up the lock and went in. A woman was lying against the wall. "You can come with us," I said. We took her to Odemia and everybody thanked us for our deeds.

    "Where is my brother," I asked. The woman answered, "He is at House Attis doing some business." We all went to the tavern. Everybody had fun except for Lucas and me. We were learning about the dark mage and it gave us much information. "Why is the judge of Catamarca doing this to his own people?" "I don't know," Lucas replied. We all went back to Pnyx. We went into the study hall. We learned spells and more things, especially healing and attack spells. We both took nice gleaming swords. We trained at the barracks and we trained in archery. We went to the libary and learned myths and legends of cythera. "Knowledge and fighting with swords and bows and magic will defeat the dark mage," I said. "I hope so," Lucas answered, "Just a little more training." So we trained for a year. We became strong and smart. I had the feeling nothing could stop us now, and I think Lucas thought the same.

    We were done and we went to Catamarca. We took some horses and went on the trip to kill that dark mage.

    (to be continued)

    (This message has been edited by moderator (edited 02-17-2004).)



  • This chronicle seemed really short. Perhaps you should have elaborated more on the key points of this story. The battle with the ruffians seemed like it was over almost as soon as it began, and the year of grueling training seemed the same way. A lot can happen in a year! Try to offer more detailed descriptions of events.

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    Slayer's guide to Cythera:
    (url="http://"http://www.macclassics.com/cythera/cythera.htm")http://www.macclassi...era/cythera.htm(/url)



  • "Exteemly Brief" is an understatement. All we need is a little bit of meat in each sentance. Add DESCRIPTIONS and Show the story Don't just tell it.

    After that your current chapter would be roughly twice as long. But I must admit you are improving...

    -vIs

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    I am the everpresent guest-One who my never leave. Til death do I part with these forums. I am vIsitor


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