453 last edited by
After Tyry sent me that awesome story, I wanted to join the awesomeness and wrote a sequel. I wasn't sure if I should post it as a reply to this story or in its own thread (or maybe I shouldn't post it on the chron board at all, but Tyry said go ahead), so I'm going to go ahead and put it right here, and I figure if it bothers Sely that I've posted a story within another story thread, he can easily* split it into its own thread.
*I don't actually know how easy or troublesome it is to split topics, I'm not a moderator. But in my defense, I think Bryce posted a Ping story in the original Grapper's Return topic.
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It was Retsy's royal duty to attend her sister's royal wedding. She didn't support the marriage, but she hoped the wedding would be fun. In preparation for the event, a servant was putting up her royal hair.
"I don't know you," Retsy commented to the servant.
"I-I just started here," stuttered the servant.
"Did you? I meant I don't know any of the servants here because I've been locked in my room for twelve years."
"Oh," said the servant, blushing. "My name is Mad-," she hesitated. "Mathilde. I'm the royal advisor/hairdresser."
"Ooh, do you have any advice for me?" asked Retsy.
"As a matter in fact, I do. Your first big duty as Queen should be getting married. You're really expected to get married now so we can have a king too. And, I happen to know that Prince Gaston of Catamarca is visiting..."
"Yikes," said Retsy. "Have you seen the creepy letters he sent me? That dude's loony. I'd never marry him in a million years!"
Mathilde huffed a bit and finished doing Retsy's hair in silence.
The wedding passed normally, and before Retsy knew it, Gwen and Koi were married and the photographer was shuffling them off to take pictures of the happy royal couple in front of the jail.
Retsy wandered off to the open bar to see if they needed a refill of chocolate milk.
Retsy screamed, "AHH, A GHOST!" The bar attendant was a frog ghost, floating in midair behind the bar.
"I was hired to cater this event," said the frog ghost, sounding offended. "Would you care for a drink, your majesty?"
"No thanks, I just came to refill your chocolate milk." Retsy stepped behind the bar and touched the chocolate milk vat, which was nearly empty. The frog ghost watched intently as the vat began to fill, making Retsy nervous. Her power wasn't a secret anymore, but it had been for so long. It was bad enough when a person watched her summon chocolate milk, much less a ghost! Retsy turned so that her back was to the frog ghost, but she felt like its eyes were seeing right through her. She couldn't stand it.
"Conceal, don't feel!" she screamed, and ran away, leaving the chocolate milk vat only half-full.
Retsy ran out of Cademia, heading for the mountains again, but then she saw a big pile of leaves in the middle of the road. In addition to sliding down banisters and splashing in mud puddles, Retsy also loved jumping in piles of leaves. She couldn't resist.
She ran & jumped into the pile of leaves. Down she fell, crunching through the glorious leaves. & Down she continued to fall, breaking some sticks? Then down some more, through nothingness, down & down until THUD! she fell on the ground.
Retsy was in a deep hole, surrounded by leaves and sticks. Mathilde's head appeared over the side of the hole, at the surface. "It worked!" said Mathilde. "Queen Retsy fell into our royal trap!"
A head full of ridiculous golden curls joined Mathilde's. "Glorious!" he announced. "I am sorry to bruise such a perfect apple!" he called down to Retsy. "But I shall comfort you and nurse your wounds, and I shall shield you forever so that you will never be harmed again!"
"What are you talking about?" asked Retsy.
"We'll get you out of the hole if you agree to marry Prince Gaston," explained Mathilde.
"EWW!" yelled Retsy. She tried to run to the other side of the hole, away from Prince Gaston; but in the process she tripped over a dead camel and fell into an unseen crevice.
Down, down Retsy was falling again!
When she landed, she was in a bright cavern full of beautiful gold things. "YOU HAVE PLEASED THE DEMON MIDAS," boomed a golden demon statue who was not actually a statue.
Retsy smiled modestly. "I know, I do have that effect on people, don't I?"
"AS HAS BECOME MY CUSTOM, I SHALL GRANT YOU ONE WISH IN RETURN FOR VISITING ME."
"Neat!" said Retsy. She thought for a moment. The demon looked nervous.
On the one hand, Retsy needed help getting back to the surface, or else she might be stuck down there forever. But wouldn't that be a waste of her wish? And all the gold stuff down there was really pretty... Retsy sat down to think, and gazed upon her chocolate milk-stained dress. Suddenly inspiration came to her.
"I wish my dress was made of gold!"
The demon looked relieved. "YOUR WISH IS GRANTED."
"Wow, this is heavy!" complained Retsy. "I can't even move! I wish my dress would allow me to move."
"SORRY," boomed the demon. "ONE WISH PER CUSTOMER. NO EXCEPTIONS. BATTERIES NOT INCLUDED. CALIFORNIA RESIDENTS ADD APPROPRIATE SALES TAX."
"Huh?" asked Retsy, confused.
"ANY RESEMBLANCE TO REAL PERSONS, LIVING OR DEAD, IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL. SLIPPERY WHEN WET."
Retsy stared for a moment at the demon who seemed to have become a disclaimer. Then she heard voices shouting in the distance.
"Where have you gone, O pearl among queens?"
Mathilde and Prince Gaston were still up there. Again, inspiration came to Retsy. "I fell down a crevice!" she yelled. "I still won't marry Prince Gaston, but if you help me up, I'll give you a dress made of solid gold!"
"DONE!" Prince Gaston called back, and within seconds, the end of a rope fell beside Retsy. "Grab hold, gentle queen, and I shall lift you up with my strong manly arms!"
Retsy grabbed the rope. "Okay, I've got it!"
Slowly, she began to ascend.
"My goodness, fair queen! You are heavier than you appear!"
"Surely I'm like a feather to your vast strength?" asked Retsy.
"Of course," grunted Prince Gaston.
"No doubt you lift twice my weight every day before breakfast," continued Retsy.
Prince Gaston didn't reply, just gasped for breath as he continued pulling the rope up. At long last, Retsy made it to the surface.
"Gadzooks! How did I not notice your stunning dress before? I must have been completely mesmerized by your own beauty!"
"I just need to find something to change into," said Retsy.
Just then, a titan-drawn carriage came down the road, slowing as it passed them. "Sis! Nice dress!" called Gwen from the carriage.
"Thanks! Where are you going?" asked Retsy.
"Honeymoon!" exclaimed Koi, who was sitting beside Gwen. They were grinning and cuddling and it made Retsy feel antsy, but it gave her an idea for a report.
As the carriage went on, Retsy, with difficulty, pulled a notebook and pencil out of her golden pocket. She wrote,
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned that sometimes you need to support someone you love even when you don't agree with their decisions.
Retsy contemplated for a moment, then crumpled up the page, threw it aside, and wrote on another one,
Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned that when someone is trying to force you to do something repulsive, you can just bribe them with gold.
Troyen last edited by
I guess "Sely" thought your story deserved the attention a separate topic brings.
Anyway, very nice story. If you missed half the jokes, then you should totally check out the awesome game they all came from!
453 last edited by
Note: Not all the jokes came from Royal Trap ^_~ I also had Demon Midas from Grapper's Return and some of the lines from the defective wishing fountain under Pnyx. Oh, and the photos in front of the jail (from Koy's actual wedding photo). Maybe everything else was from Royal Trap. Plug for Royal Trap: It's fun, and it's one of the few games you can play if you have a 32-bit processor.
Selax last edited by
"Sely" must be Avatara's new codename :p . I had planned to split this into its own topic, mind you, but I hadn't had the chance to do so yet and had not quite decided about it.
Instead of running for the mountains next time, Retsy should just her magic to flood the city and make everyone else run for the mountains. It'd be much easier.
Katerei last edited by
I've played Royal Trap and I probably still missed all the references. I did get the one about jail photos though!
Midas is awesome. :D
Selax last edited by
I haven't played Royal Trap, and I didn't get any of the references; however, I did recognize the reference to Grapper's Return.