• Once upon a time there was a girl called Cinderei who lived with her step-mother and two step-sisters. Her step-family was cruel to her & forced her to do all the chores & keep the mansion spotless.

    One day, Cinderei's step-mother & step-sisters went out to attend a royal ball, and Cinderei looked forward to an evening of scrubbing the floor in peace. Alas, no sooner had they left than a strange fairy appeared before her.

    "Hello, Cinderei," said the fairy. "I am your fairy godmother."

    "Are you sure?" asked Cinderei. "I thought only princesses had fairy godmothers."

    "You were destined from birth to become a princess," explained the fairy godmother. "It's not my fault you haven't fulfilled your destiny."

    Cinderei raised an eyebrow. "Well, I don't mean to be rude, but I've got a lot of work to do tonight. Do you need something?"

    "I'm here to send you to the ball. I am able to use powerful magic, and I can magically make you void of dirtiness, well-dressed, & ball-ready! Pretty good birthday present, eh?"

    Cinderei frowned and walked over to the wall-calendar. To her surprise, it really was her birthday. But what difference did that make? "Sorry," she said, "but I really don't have time for a ball tonight. I've got a lot of work to do."

    The fairy godmother glowered. "So you'd rather work than have fun! You remind me of an aerospace engineering student I once knew! Fine!"

    With that, the fairy godmother disappeared. Cinderei shrugged and set to work scrubbing the floor. The prolonged time spent kneeling on the hard stone floor hurt her knees terribly, but Cinderei took comfort in personal pain.

    It wasn't long before her work was interrupted again, this time by a knock on the front door. Cinderei answered it to find a messenger.

    "Message for Miss Cinderei," said the messenger.

    This was unusual. A birthday card? "That's me," said Cinderei.

    The messenger handed her a small note, bowed, and departed. Cinderei read the note.

    To Cinderei
    You have done well keeping the mansion clean and shiny. In recognition of your diligent hard work, you have been promoted to maid of the Royal Castle. Please report to your new position immediately.

    Promoted? If she was doing a good job, why would they move her to a different position? Who would take care of the mansion? Cinderei wondered. It didn't seem that she had any choice in the matter though, so she gathered up her bucket of soapy water and her wash-rag, and left for the castle.

    - - - - - - - - -

    An hour later, Cinderei was scrubbing the floors of the royal castle instead of her step-mother's mansion. She was sticking to seldom-used side passages, hoping not to be seen by the guests of the ball.

    She was startled when someone greeted her. "Hello again, Cinderei."

    Cinderei looked up from her work to realize that the hallways that she was cleaning lead to a balcony overlooking the grand hall. Sitting on a plush red velvet chair on the balcony was her fairy godmother, who was resting her feet on the banister and munching a bowl of popcorn, watching the festivities beneath.

    "Fancy seeing you here," said Cinderei, wondering now if her fairy godmother had any connection to her promotion.

    "Do you know what is the purpose of the ball tonight?" asked the fairy godmother randomly.

    "Of course I do, my step-sisters have been talking about it for months. He's choosing a bride."

    "He doesn't seem very smitten with any of them," lamented the fairy godmother. "Why do you think that is?"

    "Maybe because it's stupid of him to expect to fall in love at first sight?" suggested Cinderei.

    " Or because he hasn't seen the right girl yet," said the fairy godmother pointedly.

    Cinderei rolled her eyes & scrubbed the floor.

    "Enough nonsense," said the fairy godmother. "I'm going to cast a spell on you to make you presentable for the party. The spell will be broken at midnight. If, by the that time, you have had some fun & enjoyed yourself, you will be turned back to normal, and beautiful things just may happen as a result of your experiences tonight. If, however, you have not had any fun by midnight, the spell will turn into a curse and you will be permanently transformed into a disgusting bug. Good luck!" With that, she swished her magic wand and then disappeared.

    Cinderei looked down in horror at the poofy, frilly ball gown she was now wearing. It was hideous!

    - - - - - - - -

    Dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong, dong

    Midnight. Time was up. Cinderei, now a large, ugly, creepy insect, scurried around the castle. After a long search, she finally found her way out of the castle and onto the grounds. Then she spread her wings and flew. She flew and flew until she was so utterly exhausted that she could flap her wings no more, and she collapsed.

    She was hopelessly lost. As far as she could tell, she was in the middle of a barren desert. She was hungry, and thirsty. After a time, an animal lay down to rest near her. It seemed to be some sort of fox.

    Cinderei gathered her strength and climbed onto the fox, who didn't notice her. He looked awfully delicious. Cinderei sank her teeth (or whatever bugs have) into his flesh.

  • And that's a rendition of Cinderella almost worthy of Roald Dahl.

    Does Kat even visit the board anymore?

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