Destination: Makros!

  • Wizard woke up one morning (maybe it was afternoon) to find a letter in his mailbox (maybe it was just tucked into his armpit, as the night before he had simply fallen asleep where he stood (maybe it was a few nights before)). He opened it and read: “Heroes of Cythera, your presence is requested urgently…” (maybe he fell asleep again before he got to the part where it said “urgently”).


    That evening, all of Cythera’s greatest heroes, minus Wizard and plus Retsy, were gathered in an amphitheater in Cademia. Berossus took the stage. “Thank you for coming. You are needed once again. This is Aristarchus, our resident mathematician, who will explain to you a bunch of things I don’t care to understand myself.”

    A majestically-bearded man entered from the right. “GENTLEMEN!” he bellowed. “You may have noticed that the two moons of Cythera follow somewhat ERRATIC paths through the sky. I have spent some time studying their paths, and I HAVE DETERMINED that in two weeks’ time, the larger of the two, Makros, is going to COLLIDE with the SUN.”

    “Oh no,” Retsy said. “I like the sun!”

    “I DO TOO,” he said. “That is why we are going to BLOW UP the MOON.”

    “But, but,” Madaya said, “I like the moon too!”

    “TOUGH BEANS,” Aristarchus said. “We’ve got TWO and we’ll just have to make do with ONE. Eteocles here will explain the plan.”

    Eteocles entered from the left. “I have procured a metal tube at significant expense to our benefactors. At its base, I have placed half my supply of explosives (also at significant expense). You will ignite these bombs and cause a tremendous explosion, the force of which will carry the rocket to the moon.

    “When there, you will unload the other half of the explosives, ignite them, and ride the shockwave back to Cythera. This is a good plan and there is absolutely no danger or possibility of a launch failure. I’ve had my best men run the calculations and he is absolutely sure the rocket will get off his lawn.

    “All we need is a significant amount of fire to simultaneously light the fuses at the base of the ‘rock-it’. The sort that could only be provided by a fire mage of significant power.”

    (No one said anything but a bunch of people looked pointedly at Avatara)

    Berossus took the stage again. “OK? We launch on Saturday in Catamarca Space Center.”


    On Saturday everything was loaded into the rock-it and all of the heroes, minus Wizard and Avatara and plus Retsy, were inside. Katerei stuck a hand out of a porthole and gave a thumbs up. Below, Avatara saw it and stepped underneath. From inside the rock-it, the heroes heard a huge “FWOOSH”, then counted down in their heads:

    “3… 2… 1…”

    With a blast the rock-it began hurtling toward the moon. Talryn looked back to see Catamarca receding into the distance, and at its center, Avatara, now hairless and naked except for a set of gator skin boots and underpants.


    Over the next three days Mikros began to grow larger and larger while the sun appeared to slip behind it.

    “OK, now I’ll use my magnet powers to slow the rock-it down so we can land,” said Tetsutaro.

    “Hey!” Madaya said. “I don’t remember you! Are you really a hero? And if you have magnet powers why did Avatara have to light all those bombs?”

    “Firstly, yes, I’m definitely a hero and not a convenient plot device to explain away a problem the author didn’t address earlier, and secondly, I can’t affect objects at the scale of a rock-it while we’re still under the influence of Cythera’s magnetic field, or something.”

    Madaya’s objections not-withstanding, the rock-it was soon on the surface of Mikros. Everyone worked together and unloaded all the bombs. Piled up, it didn’t seem like there were that many of them relative to the size of the moon, but everyone agreed that it was definitely enough.

    Big Joe said, “The sun should be just over the ridge. Why don’t we go and see how long we have before the collision.” Everyone thought that was a good idea, so they went and climbed the ridge together. When they reached the top, everyone was very surprised! The sun was just the same size as it had seemed before. Maybe there wasn’t going to be a collision after all!

    Together, they walked back to the rock-it. When they were there, Katerei looked at the pile of bombs. “I guess we don’t need to blow up the moon after all. Yay! But we have to get back to Cythera somehow.”

    Timon said, “I can cast Directed Nexus.”

    “Oh yeah, that’s a lot simpler! Everyone back in the rock-it. Let’s hold hands.”

    They all went into the rock-it. “Just a minute,” Retsy said, and scampered in after them a minute later.


    Moments later they were all back in Land King Hall. Then they heard a shout from outside. “The collision! It’s happening!” The heroes rushed outside to inform the shouter that there wouldn’t be any collision, but when they stepped outside, they saw with horror that the sun was starting to go dark.


    Elsewhere, Wizard roused himself again and looked up to see the same darkening sun. “Oh no!” he said. “The day is turning to night. I have to save the day! And for that, I need…” Wizard started fishing through his pockets. ”Where is it again…?”


    Back at Land King Hall, the heroes watched in horror as the sun disappeared.

    “What can we do?!” still hairless but no longer naked Avatara asked (he’d come from Catamarca).

    “Don’t worry,” Retsy said. ”I have a plan B!”

    Then the moon exploded.

    “Actually,” Retsy added, “It was plan A.”

  • ... Retsy had a plan?!

    Very amusing :) . I enjoyed Aristarchus' eloquent rebuttal of Moonshadow's objection to the plan.

  • @selax_bot, on 07 June 2015 - 03:39 PM, said in Destination: Makros!:

    I enjoyed Aristarchus' eloquent rebuttal of Moonshadow's objection to the plan.

    Me too! :D I also love how safe and guaranteed successful Eteocles' plan was ^_^ but I don't think it's fair that Retsy doesn't get to be listed as a hero :( the only thing I don't understand is, how did they blow up Makros from Mikros?

    Anyway, this chronicle is brilliant, and I love your writing style ^^ what really baffles me is how quickly you wrote it! That's some mad writing skills ^^

  • I love everything about this. \o/

  • @breadworldmercy453_bot, on 08 June 2015 - 08:11 AM, said in Destination: Makros!:

    Me too! :D /> I also love how safe and guaranteed successful Eteocles' plan was ^_^/> but I don't think it's fair that Retsy doesn't get to be listed as a hero :(/> the only thing I don't understand is, how did they blow up Makros from Mikros?

    Typo. It was supposed to be Makros throughout.

  • Alternately, they blew up the wrong moon. The story doesn't actually say they saved Cythera from darkness, after all.

  • Well, no matter what, they didn't really save Cythera from darkness. The underlying joke (for any who didn't get it) is that this is just an eclipse, and Aristarchus thinks it will be a collision because he's wrong about the relative distances of the sun and moon (by a much greater margin than the real Aristarchus).

  • Impossible! Aristarchus spoke with such authority that he simply has to be correct :p !

Log in to reply